As someone who’s been single for a couple of years now, I’m always on the lookout for some susceptible chap which I can nab as my own. My hunting ground has traditionally been the internet – okcupid, tinder, bumble – but these have provided nothing of any real longevity.

And it’s not for want of trying. I have accepted dates from people I knew wouldn’t be suitable. I have been on many many tedious dates with people. I have, of course, also been on shockers of dates, but they are probably too extreme to include here.

My longest relationship was with my first boyfriend ever ever ever and lasted for over seven years. What an achievement! We broke up just before my OCD got really bad and I think it was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done, as we could have very easily gone out forever (except he wasn’t the right guy for me. I knew that deep down).

Since then, I have gone out with someone I met in a low self-esteem group, because my life is a sitcom; been set up by friends; dated hairy guys, bald guys, short guys, tall guys; paid actual real money for a match analysis by some company that obviously saw me coming, and I’m still on my todd.

So now I’m wondering if I should jack it all in already, and just go and live in a convent. Plenty of my friends have met their other halves online so I’m thinking that there must be something seriously wrong with me.

Or it could just be that I haven’t found the right fella yet.

I’m optimistic though. This year, I have decided, I will stop actively chasing people, and instead let the right one come to me. He’s out there, I’m sure.

I just need to find him.

Sigh.