Letting go

My friend and I have a game (there are no winners). I can’t remember exactly how it started, but the basic premise is to come up with as many words-that-are-spelt-the-same-but-pronounced-differently. For example, Polish/polish; entrance/entrance; refuse/refuse. And so it goes on. I thought I was onto a right winner when I came up with ‘number’ (you see, you could be feeling more numb than before! Number!) but I started thinking about the word resent recently.

It can be read in two ways. 1. I really resent i.e. I hate your existence; or 2. I resent that email you said you didn’t get. Resent! Blinder. But there are other reasons I have been feeling about resentment lately.

Regular readers of my blog may remember last August, when I posted a picture of some OCD hand gel on sale in Paperchase. I also tweeted the picture and created a mild to moderate twitter storm. One of friends, upon retweeting, was approached by the Daily Mail to do an article for them. Now, she’s a journalist so there’s nothing wrong with that – scratching backs and all that – but what sticks in my throat somewhat is that she was then approached by a publisher with a  book deal. She happily accepted and is busily writing her book to this day. It’s hard to say this, especially because I like her a lot, but I am eaten alive with jealousy. That should have been me! But it wasn’t.

Still, people say things happen for a reason, and besides, I can’t change the past. She got a book deal and I didn’t and that should be the end of it, if only it weren’t for this excruciating jealousy. A very wise friend of mine has been talking to me lately to me. She pointed out that I want to write funny stories, not The Bell Jar. She also pointed out that I’m not stable enough to be able to write anything of any length (not yet, anyway). And besides, I will become a writer. I need to work at it, I need to stop being so hurt by rejection. It will happen, and you know what? I’m somehow glad it won’t be on the back of some novelty offensive hand gel sold by a stationery shop.

In the meanwhile, I’m wishing Lily well. I really am. I’m hoping her book will be a success and she’ll be very happy. There’s no harm in wishing her any of that: one day, it will happen to me.

You can follow Lily on twitter at https://twitter.com/LilyBaileyUK.

Some useful life mottos:

Peace and love, peace and love.

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